01 Jan 10 Caught Cheating
This episode involves Messey, my class teacher, Sameer dev, Kunal Kapoor,Angela Thomas, Haris Khan and dear old me.
So this was my Unit test of 20 marks and it was of maths.Despite the numerous amounts of tuition that i took in maths, it was never really my thing.I was still bad at it. (Not that my masters degree has helped.)
Anyway as mentioned, it was Maths test. The question paper pattern was like this.
One 8 marks question
two 4 marks question
and two more 2 marks question.
total 20 marks.
Now here is how our seating arrangement was.
Kunal and Sameer were in the row ahead of me and on the parallel row of Kunal was Angela Thomas.
Maths was a tough one.No amount of preparation can get you through with it.But I always try and well at times do tend to succeed.I got me a 80% in maths in my 12th.And more over such mundane things like unit test, class test, quizes, Half yearly, Final exams, board exams, AIEEE, did not matter to me.I am preparing for life!!
Sitting next to me was Haris Khan, he had no idea about the exam and he too was like me.He too was preparing for life but a little harder . He saw the question paper, did not take him long to realize that there was nothing much in it for him, folded the paper and put his head on the desk and asked me to wake him up 10 mins before the submission time.
Now I honestly knew one 2 mark question, the rest was a mystery to me.Messey was the class teacher and she was the one doing all the invigilation,Which meant, we all can cheat as long as we did not make any noise to wake her up.This was probably also the reason why I did not study for the exam.
Now I had done my 2 mark question and was waiting for the right time for Messey to doze of so that I can copy another 8 marks question so that I have a healthy 10 marks in the unit test. I did not want more than 10 marks. Like i said ….I am preparing for life.
Apparently every one was clue less about rest of the paper except for a few geeks who were scribbling like rats eating cheese.
So all the 4 of us were sitting idle.
Now Angela Thomas, a very dear friend of mine had done a 8 marks question.
O that is good…Now I can pass.
But Messey was still awake and was looking around.I had to wait till she dozes off to take the sheet from her and write down the answers.
The moment Messey closed her eye, Kunal leapt at Angela and took the answer sheet from her. He copied it and passed it along to sameer dev.Time was running short now and Angela was getting rest less about getting her paper back now. It was pretty clear to me that I will not be able to get a hold of Angela’s paper and that I will fail.I had to dare….Who dares wins.!!!!
Ok, gooddy.I slowly stood up and looked at sameer’s paper and started copying down the answers.This was do or die for me. Haris Khan could have easily seen the answer sheet from where he was sitting, the angle was perfect for him, But for me it was a hard angle. Think of it like this a sniper having to hit a grape on top of an apple on top of a running lion leaping on a deer.That is a bit too much, but then try to understand the angle.
Any way it was a long answer.I was at the second last line “x=…..”
“Beta Appallllllllllllllllla” Messey pronounced.
She had woke up just 5 mins before the bell and had caught me.
I was done. Failed, there was no hope of saving. I will fail and will have to encounter a Combo (one slap to the face, one slap to the head and one slap to the face again, that is a Messey combo)By that loud shrek, Haris Khan woke up.He looked at me,smiled and said
“Tu to gaya” (Your luck has run out !!!)
He was right..I lift my head to see Messey getting ready to get up, she fixed her saree and got up.
But now here is where my luck did a power play .
Sameer Dev had panicked as he thought that he too would be caught. He panicked and gave Angela’s paper to Kunal. Kunal was happily playing Tic Tac Toe all by him self, trying to figure out a victorious start to the game, when Sameer dev threw Angela’s answer sheet at him. His white face went red out of panic. No other living creature can change colour as fast as his face color changed. He saw Messey walking towards him, and threw the paper at Angela.
Angela had no idea on where her paper was.The paper landed on the floor right in the middle of the row partition.Messey had seen some commotion between the boys surrounding my desk.I was not involved.All i had to do was sit down and look at the paper with my head down with a Eureka moment.
Messey bent down, Picked the paper and read the name aloud….. “Angela Thomas”
“Angela ye tumhara paper kunal ke pass kaise aya” ( Child Angela , How did your answer sheet get to Kunal”)
She caught hold of Kunal and gave a combo (Combo : As in the game street fighter, One slap to the face one to the back and one to the face again…combo)
“Nahi tum batao….Kaisey aaya ?” (You tell me how he got it ?)
Kunal kept getting combo after combo until Angela had something new to tell. After she gave a lame explanation that the wind blew her paper off her desk and it fell down on the ground and Kunal picked it up, she got a combo, I think that did make Kunal feel a little better, but that too for a little time.Just enough time to get some air. Very soon it was Kunal’s turn again.
He kept on getting Combo’s until the exam was over.
She had totally forgotten me. Good old me. Kunal’s face went from White to Red to Black and then Blue.
Kunal took pride in his hair.He had long black hair to which he would apply oil , gel water, comb and everything that is available under the God’s blue sky.
Messey took advantage of this and went for it.She pulled, pushed, tugged, knotted his hair.Man, it was like a white cow being dragged by its tail.Hilarious!!!!
Sameer and me were laughing and giggling on our seats.The exam bells rang. The exam was over. Messey stopped made Kunal stand in the corner.Collected all the answer sheets except Kunal’s.
I escaped after submitting my answer sheet and I hid at a safe place in the recess.
I am told that Messey went another 10 mins with Kunal and then left the room.She was trying to set an example for other kids. “Don’t sit next to sameer in class” and in retrospect” if you want to live do not sit next to him in a bike” Read Haridwar bike trip
In the recess, Kunal was trying to hunt me down.
That was a really really close call. When the results came a week later, Sameer got a 10 out of 20, Haris got a 0, Angela got a 12 and I got a 8.Apparently I got that 2 marks question wrong.Damn!!!! But I am preparing for life.
I have never been able to talk to Kunal ever since. I am still scared that he will beat me up.
Messey had beaten him miserably. Well blame Sameer Dev for it. He panicked and gave the paper to Kunal, that poor chap was playing Tic tac toe all by himself.
But then ….”Quarbani Quarbani Quarbani….Allah ko pyari hai quarbani “(Sacrifice Sacrifice Sacrifice Allah loves Sacrifice)
And O, I changed the name of the girl to Angela Thomas as the real girl has now become a teacher.
=================
Won another award....
Well I won one more award for my blog….man I am on a roll….. I just hope that i do not roll off the hill 
Thank you guys!!!!!!!
Tags: Kunal, Messey, Sameer dev, School, Teen
28 Dec 09 Sneha Prabha Messey
Now this is the best incidents , well I take it back …one of the best incidents of my schooling life.
So here I was caught bunking school, I was in class 9th.One of my friends (Manoj Chowdhary, the deepest circles of hell are reserved for traitors and mutineers ) had betrayed me and told the teacher.This was not a small thing.I could be rusticated/suspended for this.
My class teacher a nice female, Sneha Prabha Messey, she was the senior most teacher in the school and well she was the most feared teacher in our school.She, at times had more power than the principal herself.And to my luck she was my class teacher.
Now, this was the daily roll call .
Ther were 41 boys in the class and 9 girls. The devil himself had made this class…chose all the right ingredients ..A little bit a ginger, a little garlic (adrak) ,a hint cinnamon (Tez paatte) cardimon (elaichi) clove (loung) and Bay leaves (Nilgiri patta). Of course a lot of mirchi.
All “be a rebel attitude” hot blooded teenagers.I don’t think that you will be interested in our names so I will skip that part.
All you need to know is that yours truly, Tejaswy, was a part of it.And boy was I a part of it.!
Any way …. I was the 10 number in the roll call…..
Messey:”Beta Apaaalllla aap khadey ho jao… aap se Principal baat karege” (Son appalllla Please remain standing the principal will talk to you)
After saying this she left to fetch the principal…I knew I was in trouble and in big big trouble.
The whole class was murmuring.My friends showing their condolences to me.
“We will miss you appalla ”
“You were a nice guy”
“Do you want us to beat the shit out of manoj ?”
and in all these came out Prashant G.K, or better know as Malli , well because of obvious reason, he was a mallu.
“Appalla Appalla kya ho gaya ?” (What happened Appalla?)
I turned to him to tell my sad tale which was filled with betrayal but before I could do it Messey came and caught Malli
“Malli….early morning batey …. app aaj din bhar kaan pakad ke teachers desk te bagal me khade rahogey” (you have begun from early morning, you are to stand next to the teachers desk all day )
and to add insult to injury she also slapped him quite a fair amount …Bollywood style…
Phatak,
Phatak
Phatak.
Well Messey was famous for her combos.She will not slap once…she will slap in a combination, one to the face one to the back of the head and one more to the face, just like in the video game “Street Fighter”
Well poor Malli got what I deserved and well more.
The roll calls were over and she had to leave the class.She left the class and told me that I would be called in an hour or so as the Principal was in church. (Divine Intervention!!!).
Any way the Hindi teacher arrived and Messey gave her instruction not to let Malli sit in the class and he was to stand next to the teacher holding his ears all day.
Messey left and the Hindi class was about to begin.In the mean while Harris Khan, a fellow friend of mine came to the scene and went up to Malli….
and asks him
“Arrey Malli….kya hua? Yaha kyu khada hai ” (What happened malli ?, why are you standing here? )
Malli who was apparently pissed at Messey,well he was given a combo at the start of the day,forgetting that he was standing next to the Hindi teacher shouts back
“Bhen ke lodi messey ka fuse ud gaya hai!!!!” (Stupid bitch Messey’s fuse has gone out)
The whole class fell silent.
The hindi teacher stunned.
She turned back and replied
“Beta hummy to pata tha kee aap hamare peeth ke peechey boltey ho paar aab to had he hogaye hai..app to aab hamarey mauh pe bolne lagey ho”
(Son, we knew that you spoke behind our backs, but now a days you have become shame less and now you are abusing us in front of our face)
Now poor Malli….he dint know what to say…. “mam mam…mam mam”
Phatak Phatak Phatak Phatak Phatak
“Aap aise nahi sudhrogey, abhi principal ko bola ke le kar aate hu” (you will not change like this, I will call in the principal )
One more phatak on her way out to Malli,
She found one more teacher just at the door step and she told him the matter, She came in and “Phatak”
Now listen to this song, the number of times the word” Fatak” was said in this song was the number of times Malli was slapped.Play this song thrice you will get the number of times he was slapped in the whole day.
Now all the teachers in the school would get the news one by one and they came and showed their appreciation for it by a “Phatak”.
Now Messey had went to the church to get the principal, but the principal had come back to the office. The moment she reached the office she got the news. ” Stupid bitch Messey ka fuse ud gaya hai ”
She came in and whack goes Malli.
She called up Malli’s dad and he came in and bashed him black and blue…In all this commotion they forgot dear old me “Appalla” The sole reason as to why Malli was getting bashed.
Messey came back and she got this ground breaking news “Stupid bitch Messey ka fuse ud gaya” and she forgot me.It was a pretty serious thing.
The whole school came asking…….How dare he say “stupid bitch messey has lost her fuse”? whack boom bang …
“Ye Malli kaun hai ?” (who is this malli?)
Malli became world famous in our school, from the principal to the school peon, every one knew malli now.
And I escaped the lime light.
And just to be clear, Messey never once lay a hand on him.She understood the whole incident and did not blame him.
Messey we love you!!!
And for poor old Malli, “Quarbani Quarbani Quarbani Quarbani allah ko pyari hai kurbani” (Sacrifice Sacrifice Sacrifice Allah loves Sacrifice)
06 Dec 09 Global Warming a myth 2
Recently in the US,the United States’ largest business lobby is pushing for a public trial to examine the evidence of global warming and have a judge make a ruling on whether human beings are warming the planet to dangerous effect.
I wrote an article on global warming earlier which can be found here .
A few comments which i thought were nice and witty …Mostly from Slashdot
C02, something we exhale with every breath you take. Without this gas life on earth would not be possible. Plants require this gas to live, indeed when this gas is abundant plants thrive. This gas is given off by all animals. A gas that is turned back into O2 by the plants, plants which we require to survive. All these things are well established facts, as valid as the earth is round.
Now a group of people (they are just people after all, not gods) come along and literally say "We may not have all the data, we don’t even know if the data we have is valid, in fact we know we don’t have all the data, and what we do have is invalid or at the very best incomplete, and even if we did have all the data we haven’t a clue how this "weather" thing works anyway, but we put this partial and incorrect data into this computer (apparently called deus ex machina) and it says that C02 is actually bad for the environment because we predict it will alter the weather! Even though our predictions thus far are incorrect, just take our word for it. And anyone who does not believe us or pokes holes in our data or logic is a stupid AGW denier that also believes the earth is flat."
Anyone want to explain why I should believe someone who would say such a thing? If that isn’t the AGW argument, perhaps someone can explain what part is inconsistent with the AGW argument. And now the government and politicians wants to grab the helm of this out of control religion (after all it does require a degree of faith) and start telling people what they can and can’t do "because of global warming" while they (the politicians) make millions of dollars by robbing us blind. This whole thing stinks! And if that really is the AGW argument, why on earth would anyone, without some ulterior motive, believe such a thing.
There is still very little _EVIDENCE_ of mankind-created global warming.
You have Al Gore and his people making money by owning companies that sell exhaust rights.
You have oil companies making money out of ignoring or pushing the issue forward.
What we don’t have is a consensus, as the OP points out.
For example, right now (since 2000) we have global cooling (around 0.5 degrees). We are also heading towards a small ice age, our eliptical orbiting around the sun is about to change as it does "frequently" leading to us being further away from the sun in the coming millennias.
The IPCC still refuses to provide either the data from which they created their apocalyptic graphs from, or the models they used to do the predictions. This goes massively against the scientific standpoint of providing an open view into research to allow valid verification or falsification.
And what most people are forgetting: There is a climate change going on, it has always been going on and it will always do so. The question is how we are to adopt to it, not if we are disillusioned enough to think we can stop the planets natural processes and freeze it in something that we right now think is a global optima.
The whole global warming issue has been presented in a manner that
a) It’s mankind’s fault and
b) We have to throw money at it to fix it because it was caused by man kind.
See,Science does not go hand-in-hand with majority opinion – neither does science require consensus, nor does consensus imply any connection to reality.
Just because majority of people believe that global warming is happening it does not mean that it will happen.
Not long ago there was once a time when people thought that the Earth was flat and Earth was the center of the Universe .What happened to them now.?
Now if at all it is proved that global warming is false i wonder what impact it will have on Al Gore’s Nobel prize.
I, personally, believe *most* of the ‘Global Warming’ rhetoric is nonsense and there simply isn’t enough data to support Humans are the primary cause of any major changes and that the ’science’ fails to take a lot of other things into account.
That does *not* mean I support destroying the environment!
Tags: al gore, Envoirment, Global warming, Myth, nobel prize, Warning
